5 tips for expressing your desires

Ordering a cookie? Asking for a different shoe size? Ordering another drink? We do it every day without actually giving it a second thought. But as soon as it comes to what we want in the bedroom, it suddenly becomes a lot more complicated.

“I’d actually like to try that sometime…”

“I would like it if you…”

“Shall we try something new?”

For many people, it is quite nerve-wracking to say these kinds of things out loud. Perhaps you are afraid that your partner will think you’re weird, maybe you don't even know exactly what you want yet, or perhaps you’re simply not used to talking about sex and desires.

Nevertheless, asking for what you find pleasurable, exciting, or interesting is a wonderful way to deepen your sex life. After all, good sex isn't just about technique, but above all about communication, trust, and pleasure for both of you.

At Happytoys, we believe that everyone should feel free to discover and express their own desires. Our philosophy ‘better Happy than Easy’ fits that perfectly.

1. Prepare for the conversation

You don't have to suddenly put a brand-new wish list on the table in the middle of sex. Sometimes it is much more pleasant to talk about it at a quiet moment.

Sit down on the couch together, make it a nice moment, and share what you like about your sex life. After that, you can gently indicate what you might still want to discover.

For example, start with:

• “I love it when you…”
• “I would find it exciting to…”
• “There is something I’ve wanted to try for a while.”
• “Shall we see what we both like together?”

By first emphasizing what you already enjoy, the conversation feels less like criticism and more like an invitation to discover something new together.

Don't turn wishes into criticism

There is a big difference between:

“You never do this right.”

and:

“I would really like it if you did this for a bit longer.”

The second sentence tells your partner what you need, without them feeling that they are doing something wrong.

That small difference in communication can have a huge impact on the atmosphere.

2. Dare to be clear about what you want

Once you know what you would like, try not to beat around the bush too much.

Do you want more attention to foreplay? Try a different position? Use a toy together? Or perhaps be cautiously introduced to bondage?

Then share what appeals to you and, above all, why.

You absolutely don't have to be an expert to do this. You can simply say:

“I think this sounds exciting to me because I’m curious about how it feels.”

Or:

“I would like to discover whether this is something for us.”

That gives your partner space to think along with you instead of immediately feeling that they need to perform.

Make your fantasy concrete

Sometimes “I want something new” is too general. Try to explain exactly what appeals to you.

Think, for example, of:

• more foreplay;
• a blindfold;
• using a vibrator together;
• a new position;
• roleplay;
• bondage;
• more attention to touch and sensation;
• choosing an erotic toy together.

For those curious about bondage, Happytoys has an extensive collection including blindfolds, handcuffs, bondage tape, and other accessories. Check out the bondage collection from Happytoys.

3. Discover what you personally like first

You don't have to know exactly what you want before you start talking about it. Sometimes you discover your preferences precisely by trying different things out.

Maybe you know, for example, that you want more excitement, but not yet whether bondage, a blindfold, or a sex toy fits that.

That is perfectly fine.

Discovering together is just as fun

One of the best ways to try new things is to make it a journey of discovery together.

For example, browse through different types of toys together and discuss what you find interesting. Happytoys has a large assortment where you can discover different kinds of erotic toys, from vibrators and couples' toys to bondage and other accessories. View the entire Happytoys range.

Moreover, it doesn't have to be extreme or complicated right away. A small change can already ensure a completely different experience.

4. Start small

If you want to try something new, you don't have to go from zero to one hundred immediately.

Do you want to discover bondage, for example? Start with a soft blindfold. If you like that, you can take it a step further later on.

The same applies to other new experiences.

Small changes can be surprisingly exciting

Think of:

1. Trying a blindfold together.
2. Touching each other longer and more consciously.
3. Adding a vibrator.
4. Trying a new position.
5. Discussing a fantasy together.
6. Experimenting further afterwards, if desired.

In this way, you discover step by step what you both enjoy.

And maybe you will discover along the way that something you thought wasn't for you actually turns out to be incredibly fun.

5. Don't forget to listen to your partner's wishes

A conversation about your desires is, of course, not a one-way street.

Perhaps it turns out during the conversation that your partner has also wanted to try something for a while but never dared to say it.

Maybe they have a fantasy you’ve never heard of before. Or perhaps your partner finds something completely different exciting than you had expected.

And that is exactly why talking is so valuable.

Turn sex into a conversation between two people

Ask, for example:

“What would you actually like to try sometime?”

Or:

“Is there something you are curious about, but we’ve never talked about before?”

You don't have to carry out every fantasy immediately. Sometimes just talking about it is exciting enough.

The goal is not to check off a list. The goal is to get to know each other better.

Boundaries are just as important as desires

Knowing what you do want is important, but knowing what you don't want is perhaps even more so.

A good sexual experience begins with mutual trust and consent. Therefore, also discuss where your boundaries lie and agree that everyone can stop at any moment.

Especially when you start to discover new things like bondage, clear communication is extra important. A pre-agreed safe word or a simple stop signal can help with this.

Yes, no, and maybe

A handy way to keep the conversation simple is to divide wishes into three categories:

Yes: I would love to try this.

Maybe: this sounds interesting, but I want to talk about it or start slowly first.

No: this doesn't suit me.

This creates space to be curious without anyone feeling pressured to do something.

The best sex toy? Good communication

A new toy can absolutely provide extra pleasure. But ultimately, an exciting sex life doesn't start with a box containing a vibrator, blindfold, or other toy.

It begins with daring to say what you feel, what you find pleasurable, and what you are curious about.

And perhaps that is the most exciting thing you can try today:

tell your partner one thing that you would love to discover sometime.

Who knows, that conversation might just open the door to a whole new world.

Discovering together at Happytoys

Whether you start carefully with something small or want to discover a completely new fantasy together: at Happytoys you will find all kinds of possibilities to give your sex life new impulses in a fun and relaxed way.

For example, check out the bondage collection or discover the entire range of erotic toys from Happytoys.

Talk about it. Listen to each other. Try something new. And above all: enjoy it together.

Because our philosophy is not for nothing: better Happy than Easy.